FFN 075: Why Men Fail

I typically like to frame these discussions in a positive perspective but I do think it’s important that we occasionally look at the other side. Most people are more than willing to talk about what will make a man a success and, while I agree that’s an important subject to cover, just as important is the discussion of what is going to keep you from accomplishing what you want.

So today, in an attempt to keep you from falling into some of the same traps this humble man has fallen into a time or two, I’ll share with you 6 reasons why men fail and, in doing so, help you find a new path to thriving in what we call the Quadrants (yourself, your relationships, your health, and your wealth).

PRIDE COMES BEFORE THE FALL

The number one reason most men fail, and the reason I fail from time to time is pride.

I’ve talked about it before but we have been led to believe that if you don’t have the answer, you’re an idiot or less of a man.

It’s unfortunate that’s the case because it drives us to go at it alone, to figure out things the hard way, and to struggle, when all we really have to do is reach out to someone who may know a few things more than we do.

The solution is simple: recognize you don’t have it all figured out and ask for help from someone who does.

Want to get in shape? Ask someone what you should do to get in shape.
Want a promotion? Ask someone to help you with the project that will help you secure your promotion.
Want to shore up the relationship with your wife? Ask someone who has a great relationship.

The solution, again, is ask. Humble yourself and reach out

YOU DON’T HAVE AN INFORMATION PROBLEM; YOU HAVE A DISCIPLINE PROBLEM

When I started Order of Man in early 2015, I knew there wasn’t a lot of new information I could share with men. But what I recognized is that information isn’t really the problem.

You have access to more information in the palm of your hand than the most educated minds had a hundred years ago. Information isn’t the problem. Action (or lack thereof) is. And, more specifically, sustained action.

Motivation doesn’t cut it. Accountability doesn’t cut it. The only thing that will yield the results your after is consistent action towards your objective.

When that alarm goes off in the wee hours of the morning, it’s time to fight. It’s time to engage. It’s time to battle. All you need is to DECIDE.

FEAR IS YOUR ENEMY

We’ve all heard the acronym F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real). I disagree. Fear is real. It’s designed to keep you alive.

Running from the things that scare you, or worse, pretending it doesn’t exist will not get you closer to your goal.

Facing the enemy that is fear will. When you’re scared, acknowledge it. Recognize it for what it is and use the fear to equip and arm yourself with the tools, mindset, skill set, and resources to look it in the eye and drive on.

It’s likely that the thing you fear the most won’t kill you. It’s simply going to make you feel a little uncomfortable. Be okay with that. Discomfort is your friend, fear is your enemy.

ACTING FOR ACCEPTANCE

In my experience, one of the biggest dangers we fall into is trying to be accepted by others. The way we run our marriages, our businesses, our workouts, and our lives is so centered around what other people think.

I know personally there have been times in my life where I’ve wondered whose life am I living. The answer is someone else’s.

We’re constantly bombarded by stimuli from magazines and books, to this podcast and mainstream media. And, we believe that the way one person does it is the way we should do it.

Add to that the environment of political correctness in which we live and you’re likely to withhold the way you really feel or alter your message or actions based on the perceived criticism you’ll receive from others.

If you truly want to thrive, you’ll work on overcoming what other people think about you.

EXCUSES ARE LIES

Regardless of how you choose to paint it, the excuses you craft are nothing more than cleverly disguised lies.

And, what’s worse is you’ve been lying to yourself for so long that you’re actually starting to believe your own B.S.

When something doesn’t go according to plan, I’d encourage you to say, “This didn’t go well because I did or didn’t ____________.” Sure, there may be other people that have a part to play in the failure of your objective but there’s nothing you can do about another human being – only yourself.

SITTING THE SIDELINES

The excuses you tell yourself lead into the last point I want to make with you today. Because you’ve been feeding yourself lies, it’s caused you to stop in your tracks. It’s caused you to question your ability to drive on and maybe even your desire to do so.

The reason a lot of men fail is because they’re so concerned with all the other reasons I shared with you today at the expense of the very action that will help them succeed in the first place.

If you want to thrive, you need to take action. You’re probably going to mess up. You’re probably going to fall short. People are probably going to mock you. So what?

You can fail at your objective so no one sees you misstep or you can struggle for a little while until you’re able to achieve what it is you’re after.

Let’s recap these again: pride comes before the fall, you don’t have an information problem; you have an action problem, fear is your enemy, acting for acceptance, excuses are lies, and sitting the sideline.

I know these factors aren’t easy to overcome. I struggle against them every day. But the times when I’ve been the happiest, most successful, and most content in my life is when I’ve recognized what I’m against and overcome them anyways.

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