How and where to start when you haven’t had sex in months – or even years!

Today I’m sharing just how and where you can start when you haven’t been intimate in a really long time.

One of the most common reasons couples see me as a therapist is because they’re not having sex anymore - or at least not being intimate as often as they’d like.

Becoming intimate again can make such a huge difference to our relationship and overall happiness.

We tend to think everyone else has a great relationship and sex life. We can think that there’s something wrong with us because we’re the only ones not having sex – or arguing about it. But couples who are struggling in this area are not alone. It’s far more common than we might think. 

What’s really important to know is it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. 

If it’s been a while since you were intimate you might be able to relate to this:

Perhaps you’ve been wishing this will just ‘fix’ itself, or wished that you could just get on with your relationship without sex. Maybe you build yourself up, telling yourself ‘I know I need to do something about this – tonight’s the night.’ But then you forget or feel too nervous or just don’t feel in the mood anymore. The longer you go without it, the more awkward and uncomfortable it can feel. You wish you could just want to ‘want to’ again. But you don’t know how or where to start. And it seems like all the sex advice in the world can’t get you over that first hurdle.

For this episode we’re going to talk specifically about how to take small, practical steps towards regaining intimacy when it’s been a long time, including:

Asking yourself how important it is to you Understanding desire Sharing appreciation with your partner Spending quality time together The small steps back to intimacy using non-sexual physical touch

Starting again when your sex life has been in decline isn’t easy, but it is possible.

Often, taking the first step is the hardest. By listening to this podcast, you’ve already begun the journey.

And I want you to know you don’t need to do it alone. I'm here to help. You can reach out via my website and book a short 20 minute call to see if we’re a good fit for working together.

You can also find more free resources on my website on building connection and reigniting intimacy. And for more on Desire – check out my recent podcast, Desire – everything you need to know.