Correction Before Connection – Shift Your Mindset to Meet Your Teens Where They Are

Biggest Takeaways

Some parenting schools of thought advocate “connection before correction” – but this concept rubs me the wrong way. It feels a lot like like manipulation. I connect with my teens so that they feel understood, validated, significant, valuable, loved, worthy of attention, and a sense of belonging. Also, so I have a better chance of influencing them. As parents of teens, we have to be savvy - otherwise, we’re throwing up walls instead of building bridges.

The majority of the time, when it comes to our teens, the correction needs to happen in us. The parent.

You influence how your teen responds to things. You have to correct YOUR OWN RESPONSE first, before you can work on connecting with your teen and helping them navigate the crisis. Keeping your head on straight can prevent a whole mess of things – like yelling and unrealistic ultimatums or consequences – that might kill your connection with your teen. Correct yourself during a crisis situation by remembering that many times, it’s appropriate to let my teens handle their own stuff. Don’t be a helicopter parent – step back and shift responsibility onto your teen’s shoulders when it makes sense. Don’t rush in to rescue them. Correct yourself by examining why you make the parenting choices you do. Are you setting expectations and requirements based on what’s best in the long run, or based what’s most convenient for you in the moment? Saying “yes” whenever you can possibly swing it means more connection with your teens - and it means when you DO say “no,” it carries more weight.

I’d rather adopt a correction before connection attitude – recognizing where my thinking needs adjustment so that I can more easily connect with my teens.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t discipline my kids or correct their behavior. It means is that I’m shooting for authentic connection whenever and wherever I can find it – gathering up all the strategies and tips and tricks I can find and watching for opportunities to use them to connect with my teens.

If you’re constantly seeking connection with your teen, it will characterize ALL your interactions.

 

Referenced in this Episode:

I Only Said “Yes” to My Kids for a Week

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