A little story .... this week I have been reminded once again of what it means to do life 'in your own strength.' Those times when you are pushing through, but doing it the hard way, often with a really bad attitude - resentment being a key factor.
Over the past couple of years I have become more involved in our business, which has been great for me, Ken and the business. But not always great for our children especially when school holidays come around.
During the school holidays resentment can creep in as I have a strong desire to complete the day's work jobs well, but also have a strong desire to actually have some fun with our children as they are out of the normal school routine. One moment I am resenting the work, but then God reminds me this is the means by which we have a warm, dry home and food to eat. The next moment I am resenting the children being at home, but then God reminds me that they are a blessing from Him and how different my life would be without them!
This morning I realised that the source of that resentment is actually a lack of trust in God. That is, I'm not trusting that God will give me enough time in my day to do the things that He wants me to do (not the things I think I need to do). But rather I am trying to work out myself how to fit it all in (ie doing it in my own strength), and getting very impatient and frustrated with everyone around me.
The funny thing is, yesterday morning I expected that I would have to work all day to get various tasks done before we closed for the Christmas holiday period. The stress levels had risen by 8am when the children started waking up and my time of non-interrupted work suddenly became 10 minutes slots of concentration in among children's requests.
Then I went to a 10am appointment, only to find that the appointment was for today! So there was 45 minutes wasted.
Home again to work on some financial reporting, which turned out to be a lot simpler than I thought it was going to be. Finished! I looked at the clock on my computer - midday. Not the 6pm that I thought it was going to be. I felt pretty stupid. I had caused angst to myself and my children for nothing - other than for me to be reminded that it is always better to walk with God through the day, rather than try to run my own race and cause havoc in the process.
A simple matter of getting up in the morning, taking a deep breath, giving all the tasks I think I need to do to God, and saying, 'Please show me which ones I need to do, and how and when to do them.' And then waiting to hear what He says, and be guided by Him. Not charging off on my own agenda - doing it in my own strength.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways." says the LORD. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9 NKJV
Thankfully God is gracious and merciful, and there was a time of restoration with the children in the afternoon as I switched off from work and we watched some Christmas movies together.
My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 TPT
Hopefully when we re-open the business in January I will remember this lesson and trust that God has it all sorted!
Trust in the Lord completely, and do not rely on your own opinions, with all your heart rely on him to guide you, and he will lead you in every decision you make. Proverbs 3:5 TPT