Welcome to the Nanny Podcast, I am so happy you are here.
Today I am going to tell you about a request we have gotten in different variations that always leave me with more questions and feelings than others might.
The request is, I want an ugly nanny. First of all, we do not have any ugly nannies. I have met very few ugly people in my life, it’s hard for me to even think of someone ugly, and this is about to get a little personal, so be warned. You know how we say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder? What does categorizing people as ugly or not ugly say about you?
I am guessing that the people asking for ugly nannies have a few things going on, first they have decided what is visually appealing in a person, my guess is that they don’t know or understand a lot about personality or charisma, which is what most people are ultimately attracted to, but they base their judgement on a person’s physique, facial features and grooming habits, maybe? If they met me what would they think? Their ugly algorithm would probably put me in the ugly category.
The other thing they have going on, apart from judging people around them based on their parameters of beauty is a level of insecurity that makes me feel sad. I’m going to tell you a personal story about a nanny, my husband and a very insecure wife who heard the story.
A few years ago we had a nanny do a trial with us, she didn’t last long, one of the reasons you will find out about in a minute, but that was really the smallest of the reasons, she was not good with kids and didn’t have honest intentions, her flirting with my partner was mostly funny. So I come home from a meeting, my husband and I both work from home. I hear her fake laughing in the dining room where my husband is having lunch and I know him so I knew how uncomfortable that makes him. He gave me the “help me” look as he sneaked out when I came. She would ask him for computer help and have lingerie pages open when he came to her screen, make inappropriate comments and be very flirty with him. I didn’t like it, but it was really my husband who was most uncomfortable with it. A nanny who does that by the way will get fired, at some point. And nannies with this kind of intentions will net get through our screening process, it is very obvious to us what your intentions are, so don’t even.
So I was telling the stories to some friends at a party and one of the moms gasped and was worried for me that he would leave with her. To me, being in a respectful and loving relationship that was not even on my radar, and also, if he wanted to be with her, I am very obviously not a good fit for him and he should leave. So she said “but you don’t want him to leave you do you”. Of course not, but he is not my prisoner. And we love each other and have chosen to live together, and most of all trust each other, other people flirting with us is most of the time not a problem. And I do not want to be my partner’s prison warden. So I think that families who ask for ugly nannies are more like the gasping mom who worries that her partner will leave, and less trusting, that’s my guess.
And of course the nanny who was doing the trial with us was not professional, honest or a person you would want to work with or have take care of your children, but it is a bummer that the assumption that an attractive nanny will try to get in someone’s pants first chance she gets, and it’s sad to think that a partner in a committed relationship would fall for it.
The nannies we work with are professionals, and even though there are people in many industries who rely on their sexuality to get ahead, I have personally been more bothered by the hair flicking woman in the short skirt at my partner’s software company than our flirting nanny, when you know serious nannies you know that it is not a stereotype in the profession.
So you might be asking yourself, but Hanna, affairs between dads and nannies happen, so how do we avoid them?
The times we see it in the tabloids, I don’t think it has much to do with it being a nanny and a dad. I think it’s people who connect and for whatever reasons end up filling a need in each other, it might be a lack of affection, communication or connection. Why do people cheat? There are lots of reasons and lots of research done on the subject, I think most of the time it is when something is unfulfilled in them, I don’t think it has anything to do with their partner, it’s a personal problem and it won’t be fixed by hiring an ugly nanny, just like avoiding a bar does not cure an alcoholic, setting up an obstacle course to make it harder to cheat or drink is a short term solution. What you might want to ask yourself is why you feel like that and talk to your partner about your insecurities, and heal that insecurity instead of insulating your bubble with judgements about other people and making sure your partner sees less pretty by hiring people you find ugly to surround you.
There is so much beauty and awesomeness. Don’t seek out the ugly.
Thank you for spending some time with me today. Head over to Instagram and follow us @rivieranannies and let us know what you want me to talk about next :)