In the Middle of It with Amy Kelly, The Ish Girl
Fight, Flight, or Freeze: From FREAKING OUT to Keeping CALM in Tough Moments with Teens
Biggest Takeaways:
The Fight, Flight, or Freeze Response
Your body is programmed to react to danger and stress, usually with a “fight, flight, or freeze” response.
Your brain doesn’t always recognize the difference between imminent danger and conflict with the people around you – which means when you’re faced with a confrontation, your adrenaline spikes and your body kicks into that fight, flight, or freeze mode.
We don’t do our best thinking when we’re in fight, flight, or freeze, because all our body’s resources – like blood and oxygen – are redirected from the thinking, rational parts of the brain to the instinctual, protective parts.
Learning how to calm yourself in moments of fight, flight, or freeze can go a long way in helping you stay connected with your teen – and anyone else who might trigger you.
When you’re in the moment, you can help calm yourself by:
Breathing – making sure your exhales are longer than your inhales
Using your senses to bring you back into the moment
Taking a break or a time out
In a calm state, you can help speed up your ability to calm yourself by:
Doing something like yoga, tai chi, or meditation to practice your breathing
Identifying your triggers
Learning about what’s developmentally appropriate in teens
Teaching your teen these same strategies for when they are in fight, flight, or freeze mode.
Have grace with yourself!
You’re not going to always get it right – but the way you come back together when you’ve blown it is HUGE in creating a connected relationship with your teen.
Resources in this Episode
How the Fight or Flight Response Works
Understanding the Stress Response
6 Ways to Switch Off the Fight or Flight Response
Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Dr. Daniel Amen
AWARE: The Science and Practice of Presence by Daniel J. Siegel, MD
For exclusive content, Sign Up for The Ish Girl’s Weekly Email!