This episode is about knowing when a relationship has reached its expiration date. Today’s caller, Bretton, is looking for guidance about what his next steps are in a marriage that needs work. He has committed himself to do personal development work but his partner has not. Some relationships do have an end or an expiration date when it’s not for the highest good of everyone involved to stay in it. But, how do we know when it reaches that point?
[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode181]
What if you are the one in the relationship who is doing all the work? It’s hard to work on a relationship that needs healing if two people aren’t willing to do the work. If people aren’t willing to do the work, they just loop through their old operating system. The same problems, arguments, and the same complacency issues come up over and over again.
But, if you are in a situation where the relationship is good; if you and the other person are connected and you are doing personal growth work but it’s not your partner’s thing, it’s ok. It doesn’t mean the relationship is over.
The more we try to figure something out in our heads we don’t take action. I encourage you to feel things out instead of figuring things out. Drop the issue from your mind into your heart and to feel into what is the most aligned choice for you. Feel out what will be the highest good for everyone concerned. Our hearts are full of infinite wisdom and it is where we access our intuition.
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● Are you in a relationship that may have an expiration date but you can’t seem to get clear?
● Are you playing out some of the things that happened in your childhood with your current romantic partner?
● Are you the one in the relationship who is doing a lot of work, going to therapy, etc. and your partner refuses? Do you try to get them to work on themselves but they won’t?
● If you are considering leaving your relationship, is it harder because you have a child?
Bretton would like guidance about the direction and longevity of his relationship.
Bretton’s Key Insights and Ahas:
● He has been married for 5 years.
● He has a 5-year-old child.
● He wants to do “the right thing.”
● He may be over-analyzing the relationship.
● He values his role as the provider.
● His wife refuses to go to counseling.
● He feels a lot is expected of him.
● He didn’t feel seen by his parents.
● He created a situation similar to his childhood.
● He doesn’t want to make mistakes.
● He wants to communicate with his wife.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
● He needs to work with a strong therapist or coach.
● He should read the book Family Secrets.
● He should talk to a child psychologist.
● He needs to step into his masculine.
● He needs to clearly ask for what he needs.
● If you are dealing with a big decision I want you to fast forward to five or ten years from now and consider what you want your life to look like. What choices do you need to make today to create that future?
● If you are in a relationship and wonder if it has an expiration date do your work and speak your truth and if the other person doesn’t respond to the alarm, then you might be.
● For parents, think about what you are teaching your children with your actions and choices, not just what you tell them.
● If you are working with a therapist or coach and you don’t feel you are making progress, consider you may need to be working with someone with who can move you out of your comfort zone.
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