48-year old accountant Gail Newton Howell grew up parenting her mother. With no other children besides her daughter and no supportive spouse, Gail’s mother leaned on her daughter in ways that made it impossible for her to enjoy a carefree childhood. In this episode, Gail outlines her road to ending contact with her mother. She describes a childhood spent enmeshed in an unhealthy relationship with her mother. From enduring her excessive drinking to trying to understand why she treated her with such harshness, Gail learned early on that she had to protect her heart from her mother while protecting her mother from adult responsibilities. Gail describes her first attempt to extricate herself from the toxicity of her and her mother’s relationship. While still a teenager, she left her mother’s house and moved down South to live with relatives. This attempt was not successful as her mother followed her. As Gail matured and sought out therapy, she set up more concrete boundaries. Eventually, in her late 30s Gail’s mother disregarded her in such a cavalier way, Gail decided to completely sever their relationship. In addition to sharing her personal experience, Gail talks about how societal elevation of motherhood contributes to adult children feeling guilty about wanting to sever ties with mothers even when those mothers treat them with disdain. She admonishes anyone who is dealing with an abusive parent to choose themselves. “No one has the right to make your life miserable,” Gail insists. “The only regret I have about ending communication with my mother is how long I waited to do it. I could have felt this sense of freedom much sooner had I not dealt with her foolishness for as long as I did.”
