Marni welcomes Jessica into the Den to present self-care tools and techniques to help with pre and post dating anxiety and to increase overall wellbeing. In her new book, The Tapping Solution to Create Lasting Change, Jessica shares her insights and the personal experiences that allowed her to get unstuck and find her flow.
For women, we do it all and anything we can do to transform our lives in a way that feels graceful and easy is worth doing.
Tapping: What it Is and How it Works [2:25]
When it comes to dating we may feel anxious and set ourselves up for disaster. Our bodies physical response may show up as a knot in our body or pressure in our chest. Jessica uses EFT tapping to help with the anxiety she had around dating and relationships. Tapping is stress relief based on tapping on pressure points in the body. To show up as your best self, start by focusing on what is bothering you then tap it which sends a signal to the brain that tells your body it is ok to relax.
Jessica was chronically single. Men she met didn't want to commit. She was frustrated and she felt she needed a change. To shake things up she thought maybe a change of scenery would help. She moved to California. At first, she was lonely and missed her family and friends back in NY.
She realized that if she went on a date and if she didn’t meet the guy of her dreams she felt as if the date was a failure. She ended up not enjoying the dating process.
In life, if something is not pleasurable it’s not sustainable. If you don't handle the source of your issues you will not overcome them.
She had challenges around weight loss and body confidence. She was so into making other people like her she didn't even consider if she liked the other person. She felt like every date she was being judged. But her anxiety was keeping her from attracting the right people.
When you have fear and anxiety, we find ourselves in situations or with people that are not ideal because we don’t take the time to do a gut check.
After discovering the tapping process, she decided to make every date a success. She could flirt and have fun but still tell the other person she wasn't interested. You used each date as practice for staying present. She decided she was going to celebrate every single date and look at each date as an opportunity to learn and to meet someone new and to be in her body.
Navigating Dating While Calm [10:12]
Jessica shares some tips about how to use the tapping technique to calm the body before a date:
Become aware of your anxiety. Spend a few minutes tapping to give a voice to your fears. Practice being present on every date. Instead of going through a dating checklist, consider how you feel when you are with the other person.
When you are wrapped up in anxiety and fear you are not smart or resourceful, not creative. By spending a few minutes centering yourself before a date. You can find comfort knowing you are at least showing up, being present. Dating instantly becomes more enjoyable.
Don’t take dating personally! Enjoy yourself.
How Tapping Physically Calms Us [13:57]
Humans don’t feel emotions in our heads. We feel them in our bodies. We feel gut feelings and pressure in our chests. When we are having a struggle in our life our body interprets it and we begin to have aches, pains, tensions, and stress.
But, our bodies are wise. The more connected we are to our bodies the safer we feel. When dating we are vulnerable. If something doesn’t feel right you know to leave. If it feels right we are comfortable.
When we are centered our bodies will tell us yes or no. It gets tricky when we feel anxiety or are overwhelmed by emotions we have trouble hearing the messages of our body. When we use a technique like tapping we can hear the messages and wisdom of our body.
When we have a thought the amygdala goes into flight, fight, or freeze mode. In the past, It has served human beings in the past by keeping us safe. We live in the modern world but our bodies can go into the same stress response. When preparing for a date we may have an overproduction of cortisol, our heart beats faster, and we can get anxious. Tapping sends a calming signal to the brain to help us think clearly.
Stress over being single causes stress and anxiety. In can create a fog of anxiety. It is important to clear the fog in order to navigate our single life. The more we can enjoy our life when we are single the more opportunity we have to attract good things into our lives.
The voice in your head is optional. It impacts who you attract and how you show up on dates.
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